I know what my hearts deepest desire is. It is to truly be devoted to the my Creator and Father.
Why is it, then, that I can’t seem to control the flesh? Why can’t I escape my earthly desires for eternal ones? Why do I consistently fail?
I know how everyone says “You can do it with Christ” but I can’t seem to find myself in a position where that is fully the case, where I am fully relying on His spirit to combat my sinful nature. Whether I am consistently in prayer, in the Word, or anything else like that, I cannot die to my sin. I cannot focus on the price that He paid for me to not be chained by the weight of this world.
Why is this happening? There is grace, yes, but I feel so much shame for the amount that I cannot trust. I don’t know how to cling to Him, trust Him, rely on Him. And I am overwhelmed with grief by it.
Does that mean my faith is meaningless?
Goodness, where is my heart and mind tonight? Jesus, save me.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edge
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
on your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
— Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers (via adderalldust)
The next time you are tempted to flirt “just for fun,” remember that there is Someone you can whisper your heart’s desires to and have fun with who isn’t going to jeopardize your integrity but instead strengthen it. If you are looking for a safe realationship to pour your…
God knows exactly what to tell my heart.
God is bigger.